How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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