he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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