she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
