you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
