dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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