Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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