I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize