I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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