I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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