There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
