No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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