Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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