I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
