y did u give ur computer a hand job?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
