He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
