Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
