this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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