I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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