My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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