is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're like the curious george of whores
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
