did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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