I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
