Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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