My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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