so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize