Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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