I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
