i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
