matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize