Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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