WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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