Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
