Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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