so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
