Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When are your genitals available?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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