Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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