Don't make out with my wife yet
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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