I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
