Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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