i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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