He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
