All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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