Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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