he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize