We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
