names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
