Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
