am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
