Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
