I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
