Farmville is her only friend.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
