a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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