i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
