I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize