She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
is it fun? or sober?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
