bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just pynch a tree in the face
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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