my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
