For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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