Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
