why didn't you poke me back
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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