Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
