Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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