ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
