that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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