i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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