we're chasing vodka with high fives
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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