i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're too hungover to prance.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
