Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
